Chapter 6

The Proper Use of Confusion

One of the most misunderstood and unused tools of the man of personality is confusion.  If used properly, confusion won't be confusing; it will be as clearly a tool of wooing as flowers and candy.  What is the secret to harnessing this untapped and powerful resource?  Practice.  Let me give you a personal true life example.

One day my girlfriend (she is now my wife) and I were discussing likes and dislikes.  I casually mentioned that I appreciated the fine art of fishing. 

(All real men are hunters to some degree.  That is why little boys throw sticks at rodents and use magnifying glasses to fry ants till they pop.  Though you might ask what is wrong with throwing sticks and frying ants, I prefer the more civilized form of hunting called fishing.  It is easier to hunt a cold-blooded slimy scaled creature that can't make sad faces at you or shriek in agony after having been caught -- they don't pop either.  But, back to what I was saying.)

She mentioned to me that fishing sounded like fun.  After all, she was an outdoors, venturing, fun type of girl who liked challenges.  Dating me proved it!

"You won't like the way I fish," I said confidently.  "It's not really for girls."

(Do you see the brilliance of the statement, "It's not really for girls"?  This will challenge her to try that which I do naturally, hunt.  She will be awkward at fishing, and I won't.  She'll look dumb, and I won't.  She'll say things like, "oooh, eeek, yuuukk."  I can say things like, "It's only a fish."  Or, "That glob of slimy, gelatinous, wet fleshy ooze is called bait.  Just stick your hook deep into the chunky part...want a sandwich?"  I will look like a successful primitive hunter/provider in the wilderness; there is something appealing about this to women.  She will feel helpless, and if I am really doing well, she will want me to protect her from something.  This is good.)

"What do you mean, 'the way you fish'?" She asks accusingly.

"Well, I go out on the ocean jetty late at night, in the cold, for several hours.  The rats don't bother me too much.  It's been a long time since they've chewed on my shoes.  It can be a little scary but I have lots of fun.  You have to go to where you the fish are if you want to get them."  I noticed she wasn't looking too good.  I couldn't understand why.

After we were done discussing how my statement was chauvinistic (I just looked dumb when she said this), and that I didn't know what I was talking about, she accepted the challenge and we set the date to go fishing.

Maybe you're asking, what is so confusing about fishing?  The answer is simple.  Nothing.  Fishing isn't confusing.  But what you do while you're fishing, that's where it gets confusing.

The night of the fishing expedition arrived.  I had my poles all set:  one for her and one for me.  There was bait, hooks, line, filet-knife, rags, pliers, radio, chair, food, first aid kit, soda, and my portable T.V.  In short, all the fishing stuff I needed to be considered a competent primitive type fisherman.  It was 10:00 at night and ahead of us lay "The Jetty." (Say "The Jetty" while imagining an echo.)  Now this jetty is not your ordinary jetty.  It is the kind that belongs in horror movies.  It had a collection of the worst shaped climbing boulders ever located on the planet.  Each was arranged in the most precarious way possible.  The boulders were stained with fish guts, rags, and what appeared to be dried blood stains.  I said as we began our hike, "Watch out for the giant rats.  Oh yes, if you look down between the rocks and see bones, don't worry.  I don't think they're human.  Let's go."

Now this is where the confusion part came in.  Picture this.  Here is a lovely young woman who is going on a FISHING DATE with a guy in the DARK on a jetty ALONE for SEVERAL hours.  Of course she is going to be thinking that I will make a move on her.  Of course she's wondering why she ever agreed to go on a date with me, in the DARK with RATS around.  What could possibly have gotten into her mind?  She must be thinking how stupid she is to go fishing with me at NIGHT.  She's right!  Now if that isn't confusion, I don't know what is.

Anyway, ahead of us lay an aggressive looking line of boulders, dirt, and weeds thrown semi-planned into the sea.  This intrusion into the watery vastness reached outward like a single frail finger, only to end somewhere... in the dark.  A single red light at the distant end of the jetty flashed a solitary warning.  It was perfect.

I looked over at her and saw this lovely young woman donning a curious expression of confusion, fear, worry, and trepidation all mingled in one twisted mass of cute femininity.  She swallowed hard and raised her chin bravely.  I said, "Let's go.  By the way, how fast can you run?" 

She jerked a stare at me.  I knew she was terrified and wouldn't show it.  Well, she'll just have to stay near me to be safe.  I'll protect her; that is, if the rats don't get too big and she can run as fast as me.

A half hour later we arrived at the best spot on the jetty.  Our chairs were set up and we had clumped large masses of slimy gelatinous bait onto tiny hooks and threw them into the water hoping some really dumb fish would suck them down their gullets.

Everything was set.  It was dark.  We were alone.  The light from the moon sparkled off the sea reflecting a silvery band of glitter.  The stars were beautiful and the breeze gentle.  It was a perfectly romantic setting.  I looked at her.  She looked at me.  We were alone.  It was beautiful.  And then I did the unexpected.  I fished.  That's right.  I stayed away from her.  I was there to fish, by golly.  That's what we had come there for and that's what I was going to do.  I checked her bait for her.  I set her drag.  I even gave her a few tips on how to "land the big one."  But did I touch her?  No way.  Did I make a move?  Not on your life.  Instead, I confused the heck out of her by fishing.  It was great!

Now get this.  In her mind she is thinking about the moonlight, the stars, the breeze, the solitude, and this guy who isn't doing anything except fishing.  The least I could do would be to flirt.  But to do nothing!  To simply fish and let her do the same, well that's, that's... uncomplimentary.  How dare I not try something and give her the opportunity to scold me?  After all, aren't all guys alike?  Aren't we all barbaric in one way or another?  Sure, she's got men figured out.  Except for one thing.  I'm fishing!  Undoubtedly she is very confused.  This is good.  This is very good.

When a girl is confused she doesn't think logically.  She tries to figure things out with "girl-logic."  Remember chapter 5?  Girl logic encourages them to use their hearts and not their minds.  It says to her, "You can't figure this guy out.  You don't understand what is going on.  You are constantly thinking about him.  Look at him.  He's not rich.  He's not great looking.  Oh no!  You are thinking about him too much.  Oh no!  You must like him."

About then is when I started to look for a worried expression on her face.  What was really happening was not that she was doubting our relationship, but realizing that one was actually solidifying.  She was thinking about me, how I wasn't rich, or good looking, and... she was liking me.  It was satisfying to watch a kind of hopeless acceptance of defeat overtake her.  There wasn't much she could do.  She was helplessly caught in my plan of confusion.  Now, the important part. 

Now you strike!  Now you flirt, just a little.  Ask if she needs help with something, smile at her, get close, and help.  She needs to be flirted with otherwise she won’t think you are interested.  Then fish!  I guarantee you the next day she will be thinking about the evening and about you.  She will definitely be thinking.

Do you see how confusion is a necessary part of wooing and winning?  So many of them think that they are in control of relationships when in reality it is nothing more than your witty, charming, and inconsistent lifestyle that makes no sense to her.  When she is confused, you're ahead. 

But I must warn you.  When she starts figuring you out, watch out.  You're in for trouble.  That is when they want to start dressing you properly.

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